Brayden

I have been trying for about 2 weeks now to sit and write about Brayden. Not about what he's doing exactly, or how he has grown. But about him as my little boy. About him as the center of my world and the love of my life and how that's all going to change, but I know deep down it won't. But everytime I try, I just end up crying and don't get very far and can't seem to get the words right to express what I mean. But yesterday I had a very special moment with you that made me need to get this done. So I wrote you a letter.

Dear Brayden,

As much as I am looking forward to meeting your baby sister, I can’t help but feel a little wistful, a little sad, about all the changes that are soon to come. When I was pregnant with you, the only thing I worried about was how much delivery would hurt, how I’d take care of a newborn and how badly my sleep would be interrupted. This time around, I’m not really concerned about those things at all. The only thing I worry about is you.

For nearly the past three years, you’ve had the undivided attention of your daddy and me. You are the center of our world, confident in our love for you, and I think that’s a big reason why you are such a sweet and caring kid. Because it’s my job to worry about you, lately I have worried about the impact on you when a new baby is thrown into the mix and we simply can’t make you the sole focus anymore. I don’t want you to feel jealous, or sad, or not as important as you used to be. One piece of luck that’s on our side is that you are such a good helper, and you seem to love babies, so I hope that you will enjoy being a part of the baby’s everyday care and that you will feel important and special in your role as “big brother.”

I know that I am probably overthinking all of this, as many parents before me have done. That’s because I know that soon, our relationship is destined to change. No longer will it be “just us.” And you are so wonderful, so sweet, so loving with your words and actions, that I selfishly don’t want anything to change. On Monday's, our day to spend together just the 2 of us, I go to bed feeling so sad that this might be our last Monday together just us. But change we must. That’s the nature of life. And when I’m not being all weepy and emotional about it, I know that as our relationship grows and changes, there will always be sweet new memories to be made.

You are so lucky to be getting a sibling soon. I’m grateful that you will have someone to grow up with, to play with, and even to fight with. Someone who can commiserate with you about how crazy your parents are, someone who will hopefully always have your back. And believe me, I think your sister is extra lucky to have you as her big brother because you are already so loving and caring.

Even though I tell you all the time, I am so proud of you and the little boy you are becoming. Your daddy and I love you more than words can express. You make us proud every day, and we are so fortunate to be here with you as you grow and learn. Life wouldn’t be the same without you, and soon, we are going to feel doubly fortunate to have another child. My love for you won’t ever change… my heart will just grow to allow room for another special baby to take her place in our family.
I love you, you're my boy and I'm your Mommy.
xoxo,
Mommy

Loving Two

LOVING TWO I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.And I wonder, how could I love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you.I watch as the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" and I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't".Knowing in fact that I never can again.You cry, I cry with you.I almost see our baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty.I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you.But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.But something is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just us two.There are new times -- only now we are three.I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you, as I have for so long.I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you.I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.And my question is finally answered to my amazement.Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you, only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love.There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.

I love you both and I thank you both for blessing my life.

~Author Unknown~

Some Suggestions...

I wanted to provide some suggestions for those that have been asking on what to get for Brayden's birthday. These are simply suggestions and in no way requests!

He is currently wearing a size 2T and will be in that size for awhile. Most of it is still pretty roomy on him, so I expect him to be wearing it thruout the fall also. He could use some more summer clothes. He is currently in shoe size 7 and definitely could use some sandals. He only has 1 pair right now. However, he will NOT wear the flip-flop style where they go between his toes. I'm also on the lookout for some new hats, he really likes to wear them and needs them when out in the sun due to his light skin and thin hair. He also could use some new pj's in summer styles.

Brayden's favorite TV shows/characters are Blue's Clues being his #1. He also likes Little Einsteins, Elmo, Thomas or anything Choo-Choo. He's just getting started to watch Disney movies a little, but still doesn't last for the whole thing. He's also just getting into really liking to build puzzles. The type with big chunky single pieces. Coloring has also become a big hit lately and he doesn't have much of that.

Finally, Brayden is definitely very BOY-boy. His favorite things to play with now are trucks and balls. And spend as much time as possible outside. We do already have a push mower for him, but besides that, there isn't much outside for him to play with. And as you know, we don't have much of a yard, but there is room for a few things. He loves any kind of bigger tonka-style truck or digger that he can push around. He loves kicking or hitting a ball, so any sports type stuff would work also. He loves following Andy around with a screwdriver and doesn't have any sort of tool set or work bench either.

Finally, we have decided to look into getting on of those plastic climber/slide combos or a wagon to get him with any of the gift cards we receive from Toys R Us. Target is also a good place for gift cards because I buy alot of his clothes and diapers from there. Any cash we receive will go into a savings account for him. And please, if you don't mind attach the gift receipt to whatever you get. Just in case we get doubles or need to return any broken items.

I hope this helps those of you wondering and please don't feel obligated to get any of it or even anything at all! Just come out and enjoy the party and have fun!!

Toddler Times...

Let me start with I WAS NOT HOME WHEN THIS HAPPENED!!

Brayden and Daddy were hanging out at home when I went out to do some shopping. Now, I left them from lunch and they were on their way home, Brayden fell asleep in the car. When I talked to Andy almost 2 hours later, he was still asleep. Not 15 minutes after that, I get a call just as I'm pulling into the neighborhood. Can you go get some carept cleaner?? Now, my first thought was oh god, he puked. But nooooo....

While Brayden was apparently "still sleeping" according to Andy, he was actually quite busy. Now what do you think he was doing?

HE WAS DUMPING OUT AND PAINTING WITH 8 BOTTLES OF NAIL POLISH!!!

IN OUR BEDROOM!!!!

Yes, that is correct. I got home to Andy holding Brayden in the hallway trying to clean him off with wipes. While Brayden was crying hysterically. I called my mom - you'd better come save your baby! He was really upset and Andy claims he didn't yell at him, just asked what the heck he did! So he got to go downstairs and get cuddled by Grandma while we cleaned up.

Andy's story is that he thought he was still in bed sleeping. He went to go upstairs and check on him and noticed his bedroom door was open. So he called his name and Brayden came running to the top of the stairs. He held his hands up and yelled MESS! So Andy went up to check it out. Somehow he managed to not get any on his clothes and very little on himself. Just a little on his legs and a stripe between his eyes. But oh my poor bedroom. The area on the carpet that is covered is about 2 feet wide by 4 feet long. My dresser and footboard on the bed had it running down. And I keep them in a shoebox in my vanity and he had taken the lid and poured them all in it. I guess I should be happy that most of it did end up in there. But I'll let the pictures tell you the rest. And yes, we called a carpet place and apparently there is not a whole lot you can do for it. So chances are, Andy will be replacing it with wood flooring sometime in the future.

Big Boy Bed!

This weekend we made the move from the crib to Brayden's new big boy bed. It's a toddler bed that looks like a firetruck and is so super cute! However, he seems to think it's a playground and his new favorite toy. Last night was his 2nd night in the bed. And so far, it isn't going horrible. Both nights he has went straight to bed in it with no problem. The first night, he came back out once and I took him right back in and he went to sleep. Of course, he was up at 1:30am and came into our bed, but that was sorta normal with the crib too. Last night he went straight to sleep with no issues. And he lasted in his own bed until 3:45am. So overall, it's going MUCH better than I expected! Now, naptime is a totally different story. Yesterday, Brayden and I had the biggest battle ever to get him down for a nap and he never ended up in his own bed. But today, it only took about 30 minutes of playing in his room before he lay down ON HIS OWN and went to sleep! My big boy is growing up quick!!

Here's a few pictures of him and his new bed!

Brayden Update!

It's been awhile since I've posted. Life has been a little crazy, but things are settling down. For those that know about our car issues over the past 2 months, we have FINALLY got our Hyundai back! And it's running better than it has in years! And the best part...it cost WAY less than we would have expected for the work that was done!! So if you are having any car issues, let me know and I'll give you this place's contact info. They did a great job!

Brayden is definitely turning 2 pretty soon. He has such an attitude lately. And he is so grown up all of a sudden. He has finally started talking alot more and repeats so many random words. His favorite word last week was "baggie" of all things. I can't get him to say things like Nibbles (our dog) or Up or On, but he walks around yelling about baggies and gets them out of the drawer now. Crazy kid! His second favorite thing to say right now is "Leah-Leah." That's his cousin, my niece. He wakes up asking if she is coming over. Everytime we go outside he asks if she is at Grandma's. If we get in the car he wants to go see her. He LOVES little Leah!

Then there are the "ewwwies." I laugh just thinking about this. Brayden is TERRIFIED of the ewwwies. What are ewwwies, you ask? Well, pretty much anything fuzzy. This could be a hunk of fur that has come off of our super-hairy cat Munchkin. Or it could be a teeny-tiny piece of lint. Or one of my hairs. Or as we discovered yesterday, a piece of that fluff that flies in the air outside that you catch and make a wish with! If he sees one of these it is a total freak-out. Screeching ewwie, ewwwie, ewwwie and pointing. If you get near him with it, he gets this panicked look on his face (not that I would ever take a gob of cat hair and tease him with it like that...haha) and runs. And the best/worst of it is in the bathtub. When he is in the tub now, he will find that teeny-tiniest piece of lint that came out of his toes or who knows where else and obsess over it. We have to scoop every little bit out as fast as possible. Or the trick I have found is that I just have to make sure I put lots of bubbles in so that it hides them. It's just the funniest thing you have ever seen.

This weekend is going to be a busy one! And i will be sure to post some pictures from playing outside lately soon. Sorry for slacking so much!!

Before & After

Here are a couple of the before pictures...it was getting a little crazy!

And during the haircut...yes, he is in a pink barbie car because that's the only one that was open!

And my handsome little boy afterwards...

Fun Day Out!

Last weekend Brayden and I met up with a couple friends at the Children's Museum. We were needing to get out of the house...way too much time stuck inside with the cold weather! So we invited a few little guys that are right around Brayden's age and headed downtown. I wasn't sure if he would be old enough for most of the stuff, but I was so wrong!! We spent about 3 hours there and probably could have lasted longer! He had SO much fun! There actually wasn't much he couldn't play with or do. And i've already talked with Andy about it. For his birthday, instead of a toy or something, we are hoping to get a membership to the museum so that we can go all the time. That way whenever we have a free day off or Andy is home with him for the day, we could run down and spend an hour or two hanging out and playing!

Of course, tons of pictures were taken...hanging out in Mister Roger's Neighborhood

Playing in the sand tables...and the water room!

Totally Unexpected!!

About a week ago, I was upstairs, putting away clothes or something and Brayden was up there with me. He was dragging around his little potty so I asked him if he wanted to pee in the potty. He immediately nodded yes, so I figure, what the heck? I strip him down and set him on the potty. What do you think...he pees!!! Probably within 2 minutes of sitting there! I thought it was a fluke. So that night, before bath, I ask him again...Do you want to pee on the potty? Again, yes and he sits down and pees!! I'm completely shocked. And truthfully, not at all prepared to put in the time and effort to start potty-training. He's only 20 months old! And he can't pull his own pants on or off...or talk for that matter...haha. But he loves to sit on the potty now! For the past week, about 3 or 4 times a day, I will ask him and up he goes. I know he has the right idea now because you can tell he's actually trying to go when he's sitting there.

So this has been an unexpected surprise! But how can I argue? Of course, I know we are a LONG way from out of diapers, but it doesn't hurt!

He's Daddy's Boy...

Daddy has him started training for sports early! And he loves it!!

Some Exciting News!

We have some exciting news in our house! No, it's not what you think...and it's probably not nearly as exciting to most of you as it is to us...haha. But if you have ever dealt with the situation, you will find it exciting too!

We are officially 1-WEEK BINKY FREE!! They are completely gone from our house and never to return to Brayden's mouth (or hands, or forehead.) He was driving me completely crazy with them. Between him chanting Binky, Binky, Binky constantly; having to have no less than 3 with him at all times, and being woken up repeatedly at night by him screaming binky while having to search under my pillow, thru the covers, etc. to find at least 2 for him (yes, he sleeps in our bed most nights, another story, another challenge.) I was way past done dealing with the binky situation.

So last Sunday morning, we woke up and left the binkys in bed. When he started asking for them (about 10 minutes after breakfast) we just told him they were all gone. He knows what all gone means, so he dropped it for awhile. Surprisingly, he hardly mentioned it again all day! He went down for his nap easily and again at bedtime. He seems to only ask the most when we get in the car, and even that has stopped. So we have made it a whole week and are so excited to finally be done with them!

Doctor Appointment Update

I just wanted to let everyone know that we were able to see the Pediatric Dermatologist yesterday and everything with Brayden looks good! He does have dermographism. But she said it's most likely that the reason for his hives/breakout/sensitivity is most likely due to a virus he had that caused it to come out. Unfortunately, we won't be able to say he won't get that virus or another one that will cause the same reaction, but it's nothing serious. Especially since he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. While his skin is still showing alot of sensitivity, it is alot better than it was last week already. And they put him on some medication that should help even more. He will be taking Zyrtec every morning and Ataraz every night for at least a month to help control it. Hopefully this will take care of everything and clear it up for good!

It Could Be Worse

Today we went to the pediatrician for a check-up on a problem I have been noticing with Brayden. A few weeks ago he started breaking out in hives. We saw then doctor then, and it was decided it was a reaction to a virus he had. Well, the hives haven't exactly gone away. While he isn't getting the full-blown hives he was having for a couple of days, he is still having some skin issues. Lately, it seems like whenever and wherever we touch him, he gets a red spot. It only lasts for about 10-15 minutes, but it didn't seem right to me. I'm not talking a small red spot, like a scratch. I mean if I wipe his nose with a tissue, it looks like I slapped him across the face. And after a bath at night, he looks like he was beat up. My mom came over the other day and asked where he got the black eye. Nope, just from where he rubbed his face. And it wasn't going away. Sometimes they look like welts it's so bad.

So today it was back to the pediatrician for the third time in a month. We go in and are waiting for the doctor. I explain to the nurse what's going on. She's looking like she has no idea what I mean, but she says, "We'll just note this as a skin condition." Then the doctor comes in. She looks him over. I take a wipe out and wipe his nose and face. He turns all shades of bright red, but is happy as can be, running around the room. She leaves the room and we wait. And wait. Finally she comes back with a huge book. Now, when your kid has an ear infection or virus, they don't bring a big book in for you to look thru. So I'm worried. Plus, this is the same doctor we had at our very first appointment. The one where I was told he had a thyroid issue by saying he could grow up mentally ill. Yeah, that doctor...so I'm already on edge.

Apparently, he could possibly have something called dermographism. She wasn't entirely sure, because from what I understand, it is pretty rare. Also, we aren't sure if it is something that is short term or long term. But we have the number for a pediatric dermatologist that I will be calling tomorrow to make an appointment with.

The bottom line is, while it isn't pretty, it also doesn't seem to be hurting him. He's not itching the spots or even noticing them. So we'll just hope that this is more on the short term side and hopefully gone soon. But if not, it could be alot worse...

18 Month Check-Up

On Friday, we went to Brayden's 18 month check-up at the doctor's. We were a little late going (he hit 18 months a few weeks ago) but due to his shot schedule, we had to wait. But everything went well and he is doing great! When he was weighed, he is supposed to just sit on the little scale. Well, when he sat on it, it wiggled and he panicked! I guess he thought he was going to fall off, so he was then terrified for the rest of the appointment. Everything was a battle. But he only weighs 24 pounds, 4 ounces which is less than a pound more than the last appointment! So he's a skinny little thing, but he's just under 34 inches tall! That puts him in the 10th percentile for weight and the 85th for height. I wish I had that problem....lol. Then it was time for the shots and those weren't a big hit either. But overall, everything is going well and we're so happy. Now we don't go back until he's 2!

No-No Dinosaurs!!

Have you seen this dinosaur toy? They sell it at Target, Toys R Us, pretty much every toy section has it....

How about this one? How cute! A big dinosaur you can ride on! When you pet it, it sorta purrs at you and if you feed it, it chomps on stuff. And you can ride on it too!!

Please don't get any of these for my child...lol. Apparently, we discovered this weekend that Brayden is DEATHLY afraid of dinosaurs! And he doesn't discriminate. Not only doesn't he like these giant ones, but little plastic ones, soft and fuzzy stuffed ones, cute and friendly looking ones...none of them. Let's add to the list BOOKS with dinosaurs. Because the toys r us big toy book that he had been playing with also scared the crap out of him and was thrown across the room last night when he came across the pictures! Ok...I'm laughing...are you?? Here's the background story...

We went out to do a little early Christmas shopping on Friday afternoon. We were wandering around the toy section at Target. Andy was pushing Brayden in the cart and I was a couple aisles over looking around. All of a sudden I hear this scream. Mom's...you know your kid's scream. And you know the difference from the happy, laughing one and the OMG one. This was the bad one. I seriously thought he fell out of the cart and cracked his head or something. I'm running over trying to find them. And they are right there with Brayden crying and Andy laughing hysterically. Apparently, they have the first one I posted in a big clear box thing and you can push a button to make it move. Brayden lost it. He was shaking and just screeching like someone was killing him. So we left it and walked around for a little while. Then decided to go back past only NOT push the button this time to see what would happen. Nope...as soon as we got in the aisle, same reaction.

Then my mom and I are at Wal-mart yesterday and I hand him this little, tiny plastic dinosaur and he's all "noooooo" and spends the rest of the trip thru the store nervously looking back and forth to see if one is gonna show up around the corner.

Well, the bad news is this thing is on the end of an aisle in just about every kid's section right now. I guess there are kids out there that actually LIKE dinosaurs...not ours! Of course, this is driving Andy bonkers. He is talking about buying a bunch of little ones and placing them all over our house. Because that is why you have a kid, right...to torment them?? lol!

Binky Update!

So it's been a full weekend. I started the NO BINKY on Thursday night and here it is Sunday already. So what do you think happened? Do you think we managed to do it? Do you think he cried all weekend long? Do you think we are suckers and totally gave in?

Well....it was VERY successful!! I guess it was just time, because it was WAY easier than I ever expected. Thursday night, whenever he asked about the binky, he was handed the cut ones. Which he would immediately throw. At bedtime, I handed them to him again, he threw them, picked up his blanket and went right to bed. With no fuss at all!!! None! I was completely amazed. You have no idea. I was so worried, I even had the real ones in my pocket to throw in the crib if it got ugly. But there wasn't a peep out of him. AND.....he slept in his crib ALL NIGHT LONG!!! This is an accomplishment in itself, as he has been ending up in our bed around 3am almost every night for the past month.

The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful. We spent some time out shopping on Friday. He even slept in the car without a bink. But the car is the only time he has really been asking for them. He will chant Binky in the backseat for about 2 minutes before giving up and looking out the window. Saturday night Andy and I got to go to a Pens game while Brayden spent the evening with his Grandma Gagle. Apparently, she managed to get him to eat some cooked carrots...lol.

Today I did give him 1 (and only 1) while we were in the car on the way home from the store. I knew he needed a nap and wanted it to happen before we made it back to the house. But overall, he has been binky-free for almost 3 straight days! Can you believe it??

I'm A Mean Mommy

So I've been tossing around the idea of getting rid of the pacifiers. But it's going to be bad...and ugly...and involve lots of crying (probably both of us) and lack of sleep. I keep putting it off. But we're coming up on 1 1/2 years old at the end of this month (REALLY?!? Where did the time go!) and I feel it's time to at least start limiting it. So I've started looking into options. The problem is, I can't find the one that says, "Just pack them away and he'll never ask again!" And my mom and Andy are no help. They say, "Awwww...but he really likes his binky's!" Yes, I realize that. But I don't like searching for them and being bopped in the face with them and hearing BINKY BINKY BINKY over and over for hours. Also, he seems to be getting sick more, especially with cold and flu season here, and I feel like the less he is shoving in his mouth, the less germs. And he has completely given them up at daycare. They don't offer it to him and he doesn't even ask! So if they got it under control there, I figure it's my turn.

So...last night I started with a suggestion from daycare. I took 2 of his really old ones and cut the ends off. Just a little bit off the tip, but it doesn't get any suction anymore. And I waited for him to ask for it. When he did, I handed him one of the cut ones. You should have seen the look on his face. I wish I had my camera ready. He stared at it, he turned it around, he looked pretty worried, he stared at it somemore. Then he stuck his finger in the hole and looked at me and said "Uh oh!" and laughed hysterically. He carried it around repeating "Uh oh!" and then would burst out laughing. I was trying so hard to keep a straight face thru all of this. Then he tried putting it in his mouth. And took it out and stared at it, and put it in. Then he threw it on the floor and went to play!!!!!! For the rest of the evening, I didn't hear "BINKY!" once. Not ONE SINGLE TIME!!! A few times he would pick it up and look at it and just drop it again.

Then came bedtime. I wasn't sure how to handle this one. So I was prepared with both the cut ones and the normal ones. After bath, we headed into his room with him chanting BINKY at the top of his lungs. I layed him down and handed him the cut one. He threw it across the room and was not at all pleased. What was funny downstairs, we apparently not as amusing when it was bedtime. Then we had a little incident. While I was drying his face, he has a little blister on his lip. Well, the towel must have rubbed it wrong, and it started bleeding. Which caused him to majorly freak out. And I broke down and gave him the good binky. Actually, I gave him 4 of them. Go ahead...say it. I'm a sucker. But I had to work in the morning too! So we'll try again tonight. I'll keep you posted!

Look at this face...and tell me how to take away his favorite thing!

Because He's Just So Cute...

And I'm missing my baby boy at work today...

"She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along. " ~Margaret Culkin Banning

Trick-Or-Treat!

We went to Andy's parents on Thursday to trick-or-treat with Brayden. He loved it! He caught on very quickly. And would get upset when he tried to go to the houses with no light on and we wouldn't let him. Apparently, he felt every single house should give him some candy!! But he really had a blast walking around. At one point, someone put a lollipop in his bucket and he dumped the whole thing in the street trying to get it out. He spent some time chewing on a snickers with the wrapper on it too.

Grandma & Grandpa Gagle's house was a little scary for him. He didn't care for things that made noises or smoke coming from the yard...lol.

Friday, we had trick-or-treat in our neighborhood. Andy had to work, but we still had a nice time. My brother came over with his little girl and we took them around to a few houses close by. My mom stayed behind to hand out the candy...all 10 kids that came.

10 Years...

That's how many years Brayden just took off my life...I'm sure of it.

He recently has started climbing on everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. We have let him to an extent, but it is getting to be too much. The wipe container is used as a step to get him up on the couch. A little people play set is used as a step to get him on the coffee table. An upside down block container is used to help him reach on his high chair. Well, yesterday he discovered he could pull out our dining room chairs and climb on them as well. This is horrible news to me. Because now I can't keep him off of them. Andy was home with him all day yesterday and got so tired of fighting with him about it that he put them all up ON THE TABLE. So that's what I came home to last night.

This morning, while Brayden napped, I spent the time cleaning the living room and kitchen. That included taking the chairs back down to clean the table. So I didn't think much of it. But the one that goes in the back corner I left up there because it was hard to reach. A little bit ago, we went downstairs so I could do some laundry and Brayden could play in his ball pit. We came back up and I realized I forgot to change over the last of the laundry. So I went back down. I was probably down there about a minute and a half...however long it takes to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer and turn it on. I come upstairs and it's really quiet. And I don't see Brayden. Which is impossible because the gates are still in place. I look around...and there he is. UP ON THE CHAIR...WHICH IS ON THE TABLE...STANDING UP!!! And trying to touch the ceiling light!!!! Arghhhhhh....so there you have it. He's giving me gray hairs....lol.

And as I type, he is sitting in the center of the coffee table, eating goldfish crackers. I have no control.