I have been trying for about 2 weeks now to sit and write about Brayden. Not about what he's doing exactly, or how he has grown. But about him as my little boy. About him as the center of my world and the love of my life and how that's all going to change, but I know deep down it won't. But everytime I try, I just end up crying and don't get very far and can't seem to get the words right to express what I mean. But yesterday I had a very special moment with you that made me need to get this done. So I wrote you a letter.
Dear Brayden,
As much as I am looking forward to meeting your baby sister, I can’t help but feel a little wistful, a little sad, about all the changes that are soon to come. When I was pregnant with you, the only thing I worried about was how much delivery would hurt, how I’d take care of a newborn and how badly my sleep would be interrupted. This time around, I’m not really concerned about those things at all. The only thing I worry about is you.
For nearly the past three years, you’ve had the undivided attention of your daddy and me. You are the center of our world, confident in our love for you, and I think that’s a big reason why you are such a sweet and caring kid. Because it’s my job to worry about you, lately I have worried about the impact on you when a new baby is thrown into the mix and we simply can’t make you the sole focus anymore. I don’t want you to feel jealous, or sad, or not as important as you used to be. One piece of luck that’s on our side is that you are such a good helper, and you seem to love babies, so I hope that you will enjoy being a part of the baby’s everyday care and that you will feel important and special in your role as “big brother.”
I know that I am probably overthinking all of this, as many parents before me have done. That’s because I know that soon, our relationship is destined to change. No longer will it be “just us.” And you are so wonderful, so sweet, so loving with your words and actions, that I selfishly don’t want anything to change. On Monday's, our day to spend together just the 2 of us, I go to bed feeling so sad that this might be our last Monday together just us. But change we must. That’s the nature of life. And when I’m not being all weepy and emotional about it, I know that as our relationship grows and changes, there will always be sweet new memories to be made.
You are so lucky to be getting a sibling soon. I’m grateful that you will have someone to grow up with, to play with, and even to fight with. Someone who can commiserate with you about how crazy your parents are, someone who will hopefully always have your back. And believe me, I think your sister is extra lucky to have you as her big brother because you are already so loving and caring.
Even though I tell you all the time, I am so proud of you and the little boy you are becoming. Your daddy and I love you more than words can express. You make us proud every day, and we are so fortunate to be here with you as you grow and learn. Life wouldn’t be the same without you, and soon, we are going to feel doubly fortunate to have another child. My love for you won’t ever change… my heart will just grow to allow room for another special baby to take her place in our family.
I love you, you're my boy and I'm your Mommy.
xoxo,
Mommy
